Sexual Boundaries
13 Dec

Sex Therapist’s Guide on “How To Discuss (and Explore) Sexual Boundaries with Your Partner?”

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Being worried about crossing sexual boundaries is a sign of maturity leading towards healthier relationships – this means you care about your partner’s comfort and are inclined to make sure you don’t step over their boundaries or get your boundaries crossed by your partner. Although, the actual concern, “how to communicate?” remains unanswered. So let’s jump into it!

Talking about sexual boundaries is a sensitive topic that naturally makes us a wee-bit anxious. So if you’re worried about upsetting your partner? Don’t be!

Communicating about sexual boundaries can be a difficult job – especially if you’re taken aback by the thought that you might end up damaging the relationship or spoiling your partner’s mood. But it’s completely okay!

Here’s a list of things you can do to have an effective and transparent discussion about sexual boundaries – but before we get into them, you as an individual or a couple, need to understand that your partner’s boundaries are not a reflection of your actions. It’s more of a subjective matter rather than an objective issue.

  • Don’t be afraid to take the first step – it’s understandable that it gets overwhelming sometimes, but try striking a conversation in a complementing manner. You could say, “I loved when you did…maybe we should do a little more of that.” See how easy it is to ease your partner into a sensitive conversation? Once you have successfully gained their attention, you can always add on with, “…and maybe we should avoid doing…it made me feel a little uncomfortable.” This builds a sense of affection and also helps your partner understand your likes and dislikes.
  • Don’t hesitate to ask questions – it’s the best way to get to know your partner’s need, or start a conversation. And honestly, it’s the easiest way to explore as well. Maybe there’s something you always wanted to do, or that your partner desired. How would you understand what they do or don’t want? Unless you are more open, you will never truly discover the hidden things you might later end up enjoying under the sheets – something to think about?
  • Don’t pressurize your partner – they might break. As crucial as it is to have an open conversation about what you do or don’t want, it is also important to realize that your partner is human as well. Perhaps the reason, your partner is hesitant about performing a certain act, is because it triggers a traumatic experience. Just like you wouldn’t want to be forced to perform a certain sexual or general act, they might not appreciate it either.

IS IT REALLY THAT IMPORTANT TO COMMUNICATE?

Yes! Without proper communication, you might hurt your partner. And one more thing that needs to be clarified – being married does not give you the right to exploit the sexual boundaries of your spouse. If your partner or you do so, it can potentially damage your relationship. And nobody wants that. So, always be gentle with your partner and learn to respect their boundaries. And only by respecting each other’s do’s and don’ts you can truly flourish as a couple, and as an individual as well.

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